it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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