I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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