so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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