Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
