people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
