I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
