Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
