Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
