i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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