thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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