we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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