yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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