and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
