I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
