Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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