it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
