We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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