this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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