I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
