so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize