i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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