Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i think my cat just said my name.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
