tell your sister to shave her snatch
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh god it's open bar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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