I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
