I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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