That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize