I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
