There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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