I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
false alarm. still invincible.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
