...so i touched it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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