Me too!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My pussy is not your playground.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
