if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
