I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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