I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
