David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
