i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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