do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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