Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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