So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
