Me. At least after what I've been through.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
