I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
