im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
