So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
