I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
