it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
