I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
