It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
