My hair reeks of homosexuality.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize