If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
