will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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