Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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