Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
