Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
