I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
