If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
