How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
