party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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