That's intense
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
