can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
