no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
