Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
