best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i used baking grease as lip gloss
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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