I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
