Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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