dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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