I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
