Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
