Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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