You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize