you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
