I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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