hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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